it's funny how you thought things were getting better, day by day how you were slowly picking the pieces up but when you just stop for a moment and look down,you realised you had nothing after all your hands are empty and you think to yourself, is everything just an illusion
everything's moving so fast, you hardly get a chance to stop. take a deep breath and just embrace everything you move so fast, you run so fast till you can't catch your breath so that you won't be able to catch your emotions you feel so much in so little time it turns to nothing it's so overwhelming till it just becomes plain numbness
i have so much to say, i don't know where to start i don't know why i'm reading into every action, every word when it probably doesn't even mean a damn thing when did i become so insecure? you didn't know how much those words could upset me, i didn't know that myself too till you said it right in my face it just made everything so superficial, the smiles, the words, the friendship how was i to know? how could i tell? it's happening over and over again, and now i become so wary, so afraid i think twice before extending my hand out how can i tell that behind that smile, it is really you? how can i tell that you like me for who i really am, the true me, and not because of any other reason? how can i tell that you're really a friend i can count on? it's you, you and you, three times the impact three times the time taken to stand on my feet again.
some words have to be said, some questions have to be answered. truthfully. because how am i supposed to know what you're thinking when you see right through me i want to talk to you, i want to pour my heart out to you but it's hard because i don't want things to change for the worse because friendship is not out of obligations it should be from the bottom of your heart. you do it because you want to, not because you need to.
one thing i've learnt is six months isn't enough to know someone, to understand someone even after years of friendship, that someone you thought you might actually understand can change into a total stranger it doesn't start from the minute you see the person it starts from the moment one removes his/her mask, the facade and stands in front of you with one's true self; exposing his strengths and weaknesses, but knowing that he'll still be accepted and loved anyhow
i wonder, i speculate did you stand up for me when those words were spoken?
please tell me you did
are you superman? i want to ask you, i want a truthful answer but too much's at stake
maybe i'm just shutting out the words i'm afraid to hear
i don't need this now, when i'm finding it so hard to cope already i don't need any distractions a wall, a defence mechanism
how did things get so bad?
envy is wanting to have something you never had grief is losing something you had
why do i feel that i'm losing the people around me one by one?
why do i feel that no matter how hard i try to grab onto, you're still slowly slipping through my fingers?
you're close enough to see that you're on the other side of the world to me your heart stops because you're grieving my heart aches.
