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im in such a >:( mood now
this week is crap
i have so many things to do, so many things due
and i have to reschedule so many things

syf in 2 days, friday

i've been feeling so pissed off and upset about so many things
talked to jingyu about some stuffs on tues during match support

i hate the feeling of being lousy and useless
of not being good enough
maybe i havent been putting my all in this
but maybe thats because im too scared to try
cause im afraid that i'll still fail even if i try so hard

what if your best just isn't good enough?

jingyu says everyone has different capacity
but it sucks to feel that you're not as good
that everyone else can handle it well but you cant

it sucks when you don't enjoy what you're doing
sometimes i dont mind it
but slowly, it's becoming such a routine
dragging myself there

what happens when you lose the passion
when you don't feel for it anymore
sometimes i feel like just saying that i've had enough and just leave
but i can't bring myself to do it
cause it's a form of betrayal, isn't it
the expectations and hopes
the trust and commitment
the disappointment
the guilt

it's such a hard decision to make

can someone talk to me
can someone guide me along
can someone lessen the pain

i want to scream out loud